CHAPTER 11 SOME REALLY STUPID BUKHARI HADITH
Here are some really stupid Bukhari hadith. The reader must bear in mind that this stupidity is despite “Al-Jami'us Sahih of Imam al-Bukhari is rightfully privileged to be called a gigantic ocean serenely flowing for the providence and safeguard of those precious pieces of magnificence”.
Here are some of those precious pieces of magnificence :
Bukhari Volume 1, Book 9, Number 490: Narrated 'Aisha: The things which annul the prayers were mentioned before me. They said, "Prayer is annulled by a dog, a donkey and a woman." I said, "You have made us (i.e. women) dogs. I saw the Prophet praying while I used to lie in my bed between him and the Qibla. Whenever I was in need of something, I would slip away. for I disliked to face him."
So women are like dogs and donkeys.
Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 537: Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said "If a house fly falls in the drink of anyone of you, he should dip it (in the drink), for one of its wings has a disease and the other has the cure for the disease."
Perhaps this is why the Ahlul Sunnah will continue to buy pharmaceutical products from the West. Dunking flies in your tea spreads disease.
Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 5: Narrated 'Ata: We presented ourselves along with Ibn 'Abbas at the funeral procession of Maimuna at a place called Sarif. Ibn 'Abbas said, "This is the wife of the Prophet so when you lift her bier, do not Jerk it or shake it much, but walk smoothly because the Prophet had nine wives and he used to observe the night turns with eight of them, and for one of them there was no night turn."
This is a mystery.
Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 6: Narrated Anas: The Prophet used to go round (have sexual relations with) all his wives in one night, and he had nine wives.
But the other hadith just said someone missed a turn.
Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 7: Narrated Said bin Jubair: Ibn 'Abbas asked me, "Are you married?" I replied, "No." He said, "Marry, for the best person of this (Muslim) nation (i.e., Muhammad) of all other Muslims, had the largest number of wives."
The more wives one has the better Muslim one becomes. Hmmm…
Mahmood bin Rabe narrates, “I still remember when I was five years old,
the Holy Prophet rinsed his mouth and then spat the water into mine”
(Bukhari Kitabul Ilm vol.2, hadith 77).
Perhaps an adjunct to the ‘dip the fly in your tea’ cure for diseases.
The (Exalted) Messenger used to visit all nine of his wives every night
(Bukhari, Book of Nikah 3:52).
The Holy Messenger used to have intercourse with all of his wives in
one hour of the day and night (without taking a bath) and these (wives)
were eleven.
The Holy Prophet had the (sexual) power of 30 men (Bukhari, Book
of Bath 1:189).
The Prophet said that the best man amongst his followers is the one
who has the greatest number of wives (Bukhari, Book of Nikah 3:52).
The Holy Prophet asked, “Who will buy this slave from me?” Hazrat
Naeem bought him for 800 Darham (Bukhari, Kitabul Ikrah p.669).
The hadith Bukhari has made the Prophet a slave trader !
The sun rises between the two antlers of Satan (Bukhari 2:134).
And we thought the sun rose over the Land of the Rising Sun !
After the fall of Khyber, people described the beauty of Safia Bint
Hui, the new bride of a slain enemy soldier. The Prophet chose her for
himself. On the way to Madina he stopped and had intercourse with her.
His companions did not know if she was a wife or a concubine. Later, a
veil was drawn between her and the men-folk and they came to know that
she was a wife (Bukhari, Book of Sales and Book of Nikah 3:59).
From slave trading to sleeping with 9 or 11 women in one night to sleeping with the prisoners of war ! Indeed Bukhari makes the Prophet of Islam to be a real superhero and a gentleman !
The Prophet said, “Bad luck, misfortune and doom can exist in a wife, a
home and a horse” (Bukhari, Book of Nikah 3:60).
“After my time, the greatest tribulation for men will be women”
(Bukhari, Book of Nikah 3:61).
I saw that most of those entering the gate of hellfire were women
(Bukhari, Book of Nikah 3:97).
Again the slanderous statements against women. They were like dogs and donkeys. Now they are like horses too. And of course the women will entere the hellfire in large numbers.
Fitna (tribulation) is in the East (Bukhari, Book of Talaq 3:132).
Maybe Bukhari’s compass was broken ?
Aisha said to the Prophet, “Ah! My head is bursting.” He said, “I
wish it did.” Aisha responded: “You want me to die so that you can
spend the next night with another wife” (Bukhari, Book of Medicine, vol.3).
Maybe Aishah was the woman who did not get her turn that particular night ?
A man inquired, “We earn income from these bondwomen, (other narratives
mention prostitution) so can we do coitus interruptus with them?” The
Prophet said, “There is no sin in doing that” (Bukhari Kitabul Qadr 3:543).
Some people got sick in Madina. The Prophet advised them to drink
camel's urine and milk. After they became well, they killed a shepherd.
The Prophet ordered that their hands and feet be chopped off and their
eyes enucleated. They were laid on burning sand. When they asked for
water it was denied them. So much so that they tasted sand until they
died (Bukhari Kitabul Mahrabain and Kitabut Tib p.254).
More organic medical prescriptions. From flies to camels urine.
Seeing a black woman in a dream is the sign of an oncoming epidemic
(Bukhari Kitabul Ta'abir).
Does this mean black people must dream about white people too ?
The Prophet’s wives awoke late one morning. He said, “Many women who
are dressed up in this world will be raised unclothed in the Hereafter”
(Bukhari Kitabul Fatan 3:718).
Another mystery.
The Prophet used to become very restless and frightened whenever he saw
the sky overcast (Bukhari, Beginning of Creation 2:213).
Prophet was also superstitious ?
The hellfire complained to Allah, "One part of me is eating the other
part." So, the hellfire was allowed two breaths - one in summer and
one in winter. That is how you see the change of seasons (Bukhari,
Beginning of Creation 2:231).
Only in the Arab countries. The deserts are hot like hell anyway.
Azan, (the call to prayer), puts Satan to flight, expelling gas as he
runs away (Bukhari Beginning of Creation 2:237).
Satan should not eat so much Jalapeno beans.
Satan rests at night in your noses (Bukhari, Beginning of Creation
2:241).
And that is why when your nose itches at night you should not scratch.
A rooster sees angels, and a donkey sees Satan (Bukhari, Beginning of
Creation 2:213).
That’s why donkeys are donkeys and roosters are roosters.
Rats are the lost tribe of Israel because they drink not the camel's
milk, but drink goat’s milk (Bukhari, Beginning of Creation 2:244).
But goat’s milk is so expensive. Rats have expensive tastes.
Five animals are sinful, so kill them even in Makkah: rat, scorpion,
eagle, crow, and a biting dog (Bukhari, Beginning of Creation 2:245).
What about smiling dogs ?
The Prophet ordered the killing of dogs (Bukhari, Beginning of Creation
2:247).
What would you expect – after slave trading and sleeping with prisoners of war.
Woman was created from the rib so she will always remain crooked.
Leave her crooked (Bukhari, Beginning of Creation 2:251).
Maimoona said that she gazed at the Prophet taking a bath after
intercourse, until she saw him wash his private parts (Bukhari, The Book of
Bath 1:193).
Before the Prophet the men never washed their private parts ?
If the Prophet wanted to have intercourse with a menstruating wife, he
ordered her to tie a loincloth even though the menstruation would be at
its peak. Then he had intercourse. Whoever has concocted this hadith
adds a contrary statement: Aisha said, "No one of you has as much
control over his desire as the Prophet had!" (Bukhari The Book on Menstruation
1:98, chapter 207).
Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet said, "I was praying. Satan
came in front of me and tried to force me to break my prayers. Allah gave
me control over him and I threw him down. I thought of tying him with
a pillar so that you could see him in the morning (Bukhari 1:469,
chapter 766).
The Quran says ‘The satan and his tribe can see you from places while you cannot see them’ Surah 7:27.
The Messenger of Allah addressed his wife Safia as “O’ you bald-headed
perished one!” (Bukhari, Kitab Talaq p.143).
Umro bin Maimoon reported, “I saw a monkey surrounded by a swarm of
other monkeys. He had committed adultery with a female monkey. So, all
monkeys stoned him to death. I cast stones, too.” A variation of this
hadith reports, “The female monkey had been lying down with a
middle-aged male when a young male came and gestured with his eye. The female slowly pulled her hand away from under the head of the middle-aged monkey and tiptoed away from him. Then she committed adultery with the young monkey. The older monkey got wind of what had happened so he yelled
and gathered around him all monkeys in the vicinity. They stoned both
(the adulterers) to death!” (Bukhari 2:261).
More monkey jurisprudence for the Ahlul Sunnah.
When a woman refuses to come to her husband’s bed, angels curse her
until she returns (Bukhari, Book of Nikah p.96).
Hadith #185 narrates that once the Holy Prophet asked for a bowl of
water. He washed his hands and face in it. Then he rinsed his mouth in
it and after that ordered Abu Musa and Bilal to drink the used
water!
The Book of Bath #246: Abu Salma and the brother of Aisha went to Aisha
to learn about the bath after sexual intercourse. She procured a
container of water and took a bath. There was a veil between them and her.
It was Home Science. You have to teach the younger generation how to wash your private parts.
The Holy Prophet passed a group of women. He said to them, “Ladies,
give alms, because I have seen you burning in hell in great numbers.”
When the women asked the reason for it, he said:
v “You women curse too much!”
v “You are ungrateful to your husbands.”
v “In spite of being deficient in intellect as well as in religion,
you are capable of prevailing over a man of wisdom; you are a creation
the like of which has never been seen.”
v “Is not the testimony of a woman one half that of a man? This is
the measure of deficiency of your intellect!”
v “And mind you, when a woman has her periods she is not allowed to
pray or to fast. This is the measure of your deficiency in religion.”